A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm too high and old for this...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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