pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
