omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
