I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
