I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
