I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
