wrigley field is MILF paradise
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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