i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
