Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
