i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
