call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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