why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
