There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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