We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
