i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
