Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize