I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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