I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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