I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
