No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
