you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
