Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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