Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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