Im at strip club and am horny
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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