It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
