its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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