uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
