fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
