Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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