I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
