I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
