Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
