This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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