you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
