he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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