Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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