Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
