why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
