I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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