I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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