He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize