dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dicks are not precious.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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