i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
