Dual....:-)
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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