You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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