dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
