it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize