Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
