Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i will never coherently bang her
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
