woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
