i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
