i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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