My balls are so social today.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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