I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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