Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
