I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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