Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
