there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
