i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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