That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
