We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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