puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Enjoy the penises
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
