Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I accidentally had phone sex last night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
