i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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