I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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